Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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