STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
