Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
