you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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