You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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