yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
