Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
