wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
