I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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