She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
sex in a hospital.. check
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
