Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
youre lurking in front of me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
