You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
