Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
