Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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