He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
