i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
