He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
