All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
