the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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