New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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