Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
