so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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