went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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