My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
