dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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