Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
