yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
