This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
