This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
