I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
