Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
