my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
