Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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