Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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