Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
