well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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