You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
