smell my finger.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
