i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
