Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
