I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
