New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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