I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
