I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
