I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
