Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
