I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
