Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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