I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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