Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
